November 9th, 2002

Ugh. It's 3:42AM and I'm a bit drunk. I saw B at the Heretic while dancing and I guess I just really want to know where I went wrong. Or rather what went wrong... So I'm dancing with these boys doing the manwich thing (and I've been admiring them for some time) and I see B right behind them.

Stupidly I touched his shoulder to garner his attention. I guess part of me wanted him to see what he lost...kind of a re-affirmation that said "See...I am attractive...see...someone does want me..."

How futile and silly is that? I can't believe I let myself stoop that low. I just really wish that there was a chance in hell with B...but there's not and I guess the sooner I accept that, the better off I'll be huh?

Part of me wants to call him on the phone and offer whatever it takes to just get another chance. The other half, the spurned half, is telling me to let sleeping dogs lie, and to just forget it. I know that I would be good to him. Someday someone is going to recognize that fact.

*sigh* I guess I'd better quit my drunken rambling before I get myself in some trouble. On an up note, I did have a date with this guy W that I'm still ambiguous as if it went well or not. He was sick, so didn't kiss me goodnight (which in all honesty was very considerate) but because I weigh so much (more than I actually should) on people's actions I'm still unsure of where I stand. I guess I'm too used to demonstrative guys. :)

So I'd better go crash into bed. I should fall right asleep.