Just because a rose died on the vine...

So I am taking tomorrow off. After three full days of meetings, I am fried.

Today, upong returning home from the gym I turned on my TiVo and watched "Huff" which is this show on Showtime that I really like.

Through the course of the show three things of this particular episode struck a chord of empathy within me that stung my soul.

The first was a line "Just because a rose died on the vine, doesn't mean it lied to you when it was in bloom" which was advice offered in reference to a relationship that for one reason or another didn't work out. Made me feel very melancholy about my own failed relationships (of which I was generally the culprit in their failure).

The second line was something like, "Why can't we just learn to love and to accept the love of others?" Sounds fairly simply stated doesn't it? I thought it was kind of eloquently put in this particular scene. I wonder if I'll ever be able to do that. Sure...you might say "of course you will!" but I don't think anything is a guarantee especially when it comes to things we need to learn on the inside. Facts and figures, numbers and shapes come easily to us humans. But when it comes to the more abstract, some of us are more at a loss than others. In a way I am envious of those people because I wonder if I am just not "made" that way. I worry that at my core...I will never have that. But at least in knowing, I think maybe there's hope.

The third thing in this episode that struck me is when the mother, who hadn't seen her institutionalized son in forever said, "You are so beautiful. I didn't know what to expect but you are so beautiful and I am afraid to get near you for fear of hurting you any more". I kind of feel that way with the ex. I know that at my core there are bits and pieces of feelings there and that it hurts in a way to be near him. I think that's perhaps whey I am very stand-off-ish (word?) when we speak on the phone and I'm sure he'll view me as being a freaking jerk when I see him in person again because I will have to shut down.

The fact that I can shut down kind of scares me. I retreat into myself, wrap up in emptiness. Not very healthy huh? I think it's something we all do...I have just perfected it! LOL :)

On an upnote, whilst shopping at Target (my fav) someone asked me "Are you Digital Cowboy? I really like your website". I was surprised and a bit flattered that anyone would actually remember me well enough from this website. It put a big smile on my face and a pep in my step for a little while :)

I recieved my new robe in the mail today. A bit dorky, but I like it :) It's warm, and comfortable and makes me feel like a superhero! LOL :)