Bathroom Follies

And no...we are NOT talking the "pee on someone " type...we 're talking "home improvement ". Or in my case, "home frell-up " LOL!

I really have to hand it to those guys on Trading Spaces and the like. They really know their stuff to be able to design and paint and stuff. They make it look SO easy and here I am making a mess out of a nice room.

Well...actually it 's not THAT bad. Friday, I took a half-day off work to help my BF move to his new townhome. After slaaaaving away at that for like 6 hours, I went with the BF to Woofs to hook up with my softball coach to pick up my trophy!

In the morning, I shooed the BF out and went right to Lowes and Home Depot for all the fixings for my new master bathroom. Grabbed the paint from my bedroom paint job, and gave it a good base coat after plugging all the holes and sanding down the spackle (Ooo I feel so butch...just like Justin on "In A Fix " drool.)

After six HOURS of painting (one base coat and like 4 coats of sandwash) I had the bathroom mucked UP! OMG this sandwash paint is a BITCH and a HALF to get looking right. I am seriously going to have to do some creative decorating to get it to look ok because I am OVER it LOL :)

After slaving away, I NEEDED a break so I logged into City of Heroes for awhile and teamed up with a group that I had played with previously and we had a pretty good time. Even got another level so I 'm like level 27 now. :) I 'm sure all you are hearing is "geek geek geek " right now so WANK!

Sunday worked on the bathroom some MORE and then the BF came over and we made dinner and watched "Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars " which was totally AMAZING. Farscape had some of the BEST sci-fi writing (along with some of my other favorites "Dead Like Me ", "Alias ", and "Stargate SG-1 ") and it was just a treat to get to see these characters again in an adventure that was like twice as big as the series. I can 't wait to get that on DVD!

BUT...I had better get back to work...chat lates!

Problems resolved for now

After lots of talking and more talking, the BF and I are sticking to it. Mostly it was just me feeling scared of commitment and having a distance between us because I was sick for a whole month added to that the fact that I moved and am stressed and haven't had alot of fun. We just agreed we need to work on things and that we don't want to give it up for now.

So...I'm happy :)

Lost and Confused

So I lied. Things haven't been all that well with the BF. I just couldn't really talk about them. I think that we have agreed not to see each other for now. It's my fault. I'm the one that decided this. He's great...and I'm very very sad right now...I just feel that building a relationship isn't a priority for me right now and I feel that is the road he wants to be on.

Part of me just wants to pick up the phone and say "I'm sorry, come back" but is that the lonely boy inside or the true self? None of us want to hurt someone, but there is a point where continuing a relationship just to continue it is worse than breaking up. I believe that to be lying. I think personally that I am psychotic because he is pretty amazing. I think me getting sick for a whole month is part of this distance that I created. I think that certain issues (that were clearly resolved) had really put a certain distance between us that I don't know why they still sneak into my head like small demons. I'm a fool.

Maybe I'm one of those people that will be alone. I don't mind being alone and I enjoy being alone. When I'm around people too much, it stresses me out. People would laugh at that because I am viewed as being very social and outgoing. But it's very true.

I worry that I made (am making) a big mistake...but I need time to sort out how I feel. Is that fair? Shouldn't I know after three months? Isn't there a timetable out there I can reference? :) I guess not, huh? That really really sucks.

I had originally worried that purchasing a house AND getting a boyfriend would be too much for me to handle at the same time. I thought I could handle it and be happy. I'm not so sure now. Perhaps if the timing were different, I would feel differently. That's why we didn't continue dating the first time (but it was his timing last time). But the journey IS the journey...and sometimes...where you are on the paths just sucks.

I need some ice cream and a good cry.

Being sick totally sucks.

So...a whole MONTH of being sick with two separate problems that are just reassurances that my body knows it isn't a spring chicken anymore :) The new house was pretty much put on hold for way too long and for awhile, things with the new BF were pretty much strained. I am FINALLY up to feeling better...however with winter setting in, all my muscles are saying "frell" (they tend to do that as the cold weather sets in). I lost 10 pounds and feel like I'm TOO skinny now. I haven't been to the gym in two months either so am feeling quite super-out-of-shape. Do you hear that? It's the WAAAAAA-mbulance! LOL! :) (As you read this and think, "shut up you whiner")

BUT I have accomplished a few things at the new homestead:

• Painted the livingroom (but still have a few touchups left)
• Ran network cable and got the wireless network setup
• Installed a new harddrive into my Linux server so I can have a media server
• Sold all the old furniture I had

Things are going well with the BF. He obviously wants it to work out. With me being sick...that couldn't have been fun. AND he's still around. Plus the fact that I was a jerk a couple of times (due to me just having a really bad time of it all). I felt bad me not being able to help him start to move but after helping him last night he probably doesn't want my help anymore LOL :) When I move, it's like an episode of "Clean Sweep". "Do you actually use that?" "Why do you have 4 bottles of rubbing alcohol?" "Do you NEED three dozen tupperware bowls?"

I am hoping that as things on my inside improve and we are both moved into our respective new homes, things will start to get better. It's not that they are bad, it's just I know I haven't been a "ball-o-fun" ya know? :)

Work...well right now it kind of sucks. We're going through a re-org that isn't a re-org because it'll probably take forever and everything will return to the way it is now in about six months anyway. :) It's very complicated, but most of it is political (and Universe knows how much I hate that crap).

Pictures of the house to be posted soon (once I clean up...the one gay gene that totally skipped me is the "Mr. Clean" gene.)