October 30, 2002

Hotlanta Hoedown 2002 is OVER! Phew. This weekend I was host to over 150 out of town guests for a country-western weekend with an Atlanta twist. The whole weekend started Thursday pretty much with working at the Sheraton Hotel in preparation for all our guests. Many of my friends from out of town appeared that night, which was highly encouraging for our first event in over 4 years.

So the evening at Hoedowns was a blast with two lessons and a performance by my new friend John Robinson. He's an incredible dancer and instructor (I've been taking mental notes on his styles).

Friday rolls around and I'm LATE! I didn't expect anything to really start happening until like after 12PM, but jeez. I had forgotten my cel phone (which was BAD) and though the day went pretty well there were a few bumps in the road.

Lessons began at 2PM and I got to be "DJ for a Day" at the Armory. It was way fun :)

Friday night was dinner at Las Margaritas and then a Bar Crawl. I wore a cute little devil outfit with glowing belt. Maybe I can dredge up a picture somewhere.

Running around organizing that bar crawl was like having a pack of energizers strapped to my ass. I was told that if it hadn't have been for Pepper and myself, it wouldn't have been as much fun ;) That was sweet (especially after I was called a "hostage taker" because I didn't get them to Hoedowns fast enough). I knew they wouldn't enjoy it as much as they believed until later since it's always packed anyway.

Friday ended as the after hours party began hosted by our friends from Southern Country Charlotte. I didn't drink too much and just crashed shortly after I got there. I did have to be up at like 8:00AM...

Saturday had lessons (I got to take like ONE) and I was able to take a short nap in the afternoon. We had a BIG ball that evening and my costume was a BIG hit. I will be posting pictures of it soon.

Sunday was rough because we were short on help, and the freight elevator broke causing my floor people to have to stay an additional day. When I got home to change and get ready for dinner I just started crying I was so tired. (I've taken two days this week off already. Thank goodness for that. I'm starting to feel normal.)

Monday morning I had to help move the floor in (lucky me I can get off pretty much when I need it).

Now things are going to settle into quietness for awhile. I think it will be good for me. I think I spent a lot of myself this weekend.

I did, however, promise ya'll a story about my 10-year high-school reunion yes? Well...that will have to wait until next time. I'm going back to sleep in a bit.

October 21st, 2002

So...I didn't quite get the homecoming I expected after my trip home for my HS reunion...but since when has life ever given us what we expect? *grin* Crashing down. Fast. That's what happened this morning. Got an e-mail from B breaking it all off. I guess it's good that we hadn't gone out more than once. But for a little while I was happier than I've been in awhile.

I really liked this guy. I thought he was the cat's meow, but he's decided to get back with an old flame and I'm not going to place second in the "Race O' Love". I deserve better than that, don't I? You're damn right!

I guess I have to fall back on my reasons for rejection:

• He's stupid.
• He's stupid.
  
• and finally He's stupid.
  

*laugh* It's the only way to keep going. Making fun of tragedy. I am not going into work today however. I need to regroup for a bit and get the strength to pick myself up again.

My response to his "Dear John" letter was that if it makes him happy, then that's all I ever wanted for him. And though it hurts (like a sonofabitch) I honestly feel that way. I mean, if he's not interested "in that way" it's not like I can change that. The heart does what it wants. Mine did...and this time it got burned...bad.

So as I'm writing this, I'm listening to Jessica Andrew's "Unbreakable Heart". If you've never heard it, it's the perfect song to describe how I'm feeling right now:

Jessica Andrews - Unbreakable Heart

An empty house a broken fairy tale
A hollow girl with empty arms
From an angels tears God made the stars
Why cant He make me an unbreakable heart

In my blue world you shone like heavens fire
And left me cryin in the dark
How could anyone be so hard
Did you think I had an unbreakable heart

I suppose I should know
Sometimes love just comes and goes
But I believed foolish me
We'd go on and on

One day someone will come to you
And rock you tightly in her arms
Please remember this when you drop your guard
Nobody has an unbreakable heart

From an angels wings to a fallen star
God makes everything but unbreakable hearts

Well that's all the exciting news today. When I "recover" I'll fill all of you in on my 10-year High School Reunion. Right now...it just doesn't seem as funny as it really was.

But you know what? I'd rather risk it all than not. Pain is part of life...and I'd rather live with a broken heart than a stone cold one any day.

October 15th, 2002

I thought I had a fear of heights, but looking down from Cloud #9 really doesn't seem that scary this time. Maybe it's because I've already fallen off a couple of times and I know it's really not that far to the ground... It all started innocently (don't laugh) enough at the Heretic. I'm dancing and an aquaintance, P, was dancing near me and I said "Hi" and we exchanged pleasantries. Little did I know that the guy next to him was remotely interested. It's kind of hard to tell on the floor. I needed another drink so I headed to the bar and shortly after left.

So I get a QM from P and he asks me about the guy that I remembered vaguely that had been dancing near us. I told him to feel free to give him my e-mail address and website. He did...and that's when B started e-mailing me.

So we're e-mailing back and forth and apparenly at the time, I was not very forthcoming with interest...I mean, I honestly could only vaguely remember and I am just wary of guys in general. I can't "read" an e-mail's aura.

So we're talking for two weeks and again (surprise!) I'm out at the Heretic and who walk over and introduces himself? That's right...B,

Holy sheep-shit, Batman! This boy is FINE. I'm like almost in shock that he's interested in me...I mean, I don't think I'm like a dog, but WOOF! Who stole his bifocals because I need to thank them!

So we dance, and I drive him to his car and we talk...it was very relaxed. No airs or snootyness or someone just trying to get into my pants. I felt very comfortable with him. And I asked him for a date and he said "Yes" and I had to have had the biggest smile on my face going home. If I'd have gotten pulled over they'd have to think I was on something.

So we had our first date last night. I cooked "Chicken Yummies" and baked beans (he liked the chicken but I think the beans were too spicy for him). Okay, I know it's cheesy, but I like "7th Heaven" on the WB...and so does he. So we watched that while eating dinner and drinking this great red wine (that I'm usually not a big fan of, but this was good).

I swear, before he came over, I had to down a couple of peptos my stomach was twirling so bad. It's twirling right NOW and I'm not even on a date!

After dinner we started watching "The Mummy" but I got distracted...

Fast forward to now. I'm booked up until NEXT WEEK! ARG! Bad timing?!?!?! I'm headed out Thursday to go home for my 10th High School Reunion...

I know he's going to read this, and I can't censor what I need to write for me. So hopefully this next part doesn't get me into any trouble, it's how I feel...

He thinks it odd I think that I trust my instincts about him so. I mean, yes, I have only known him a couple of weeks but I don't consider myself a desperate man. I have my head twisted on correctly (I think) and my heart, though guarded by some serious borders, thumps deep anytime I talk to him with a nervous energy (maybe he's a new form of ephedrin...;) I've been on some dates...but I haven't felt this giddy about someone in quite some time...

I'm hyped. I'm on Cloud #9. How often does an incredibly handsome guy with (what I sense to be) an amazing heart come into your life? I'll tell you...NOT OFTEN. The warring parts of me, the intellectual vs. the emotional are quite a spectacle to listen to. It's like an episode of Ally McBeal (except I don't get to wear mini-skirts to work ;)

And so I go forth to learn about this person that the Universe has thrown into my fateline. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I've been wrong before. But if I'm right, maybe I'll have that best friend and lover wrapped into one that I've been keeping an eye out for. And this one? Trust me...I'd be a fool not to try.

Wish me luck and I'll keep you updated!

October 1st, 2002

I am in pain...but it feels good! LOL. Softball season for the fall started up this past weekend and here I am with sore thighs, a busted lip, and a strawberry on my right forearm and I couldn't be happier. Not a hell of a lot has been going on, been on a couple of dates with some really nice guys, but no serious sparks as of yet. I really am in a quandry because I hate dating, but that's the "Way Things Go" :) LOL.

I do get to meet new people and explore how I interact with just one person (I'm more used to a group dyniamic) so it's interesting on quite a few levels.

This month has flown by. I didn't realize I haven't made an entry in like FOREVER.

This past weekend I was in a MOOD. Felt like I was on top of the world (and no I didn't have any "help") but it was as if a fountain of positive energy was cenetered around me. I felt like I used to and I liked it. Energetic, outgoing, a wee on the crazy side. I remember that guy like it was yesterday. He's the one I used to be in college. Maybe he's coming back for awhile >:)