A Letter from John Q. Public

So let me preface this post with the fact that I did ask the sender if I could post his message here and respond to it. I thought it was too good to pass up as source material. I mean...this is about my life and this actually was sent :)

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Hey There, Cowboy-
What's up? Just wanted to say I've enjoyed the witty banter...you've made me laugh.

That said, and you being a complete stranger, I feel the need to share something...

In this 'Digital' age (touche?), when there is a fine line and only a one-letter difference between talking and stalking, I must admit that I snooped around your blogger. I clicked the 'Website' link here and away I went...

And I read about your Valentine's Day.

And I just want to ask, why are you there and why am I here?

You know, I am so damn sick of meeting people the opposite of you. I am so freeking tired trying, and putting it all out there, and ending up with selfish, asshole, queenie, duds...

I want to live happily ever after, and damnit I don't want to wait ANYMORE!

I don't know why I am sharing this with you, you are a complete stranger, except that I spent 10 minutes with your blogger...

so whatever.

Tired of being alone,
-JQP

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So this is what my response:

Dear JPQ,

I often feel like you do...I have a guy in every port except my own. :) (me being the flirt that I am...that's almost too true). I think for me, I have put effort into each relationship. Now sometimes it's not enough effort for the other person, but I have built a life that I am very happy with. I guess I took "You make your bed, you live in it" to heart.

I think that's one of the most wonderful things about life. I am in control of it. Well...I am in control of how I "react" to it. Mostimes anyway...hehe (damn emotions).

So you say that everyone turns out to be a dud. Well that is probably going to remain true for quite some time. I guess the phrase "It takes alot of lemons to make lemonade" really is true. I'm still going through lemons myself. Now most of these lemons are sweet while I have them...but they leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth (which is what I'm sensing from you letter). Why be upset that they turn out to be not what you need? Be GLAD you found out so early!

We all make bad choices and decisions. I think though, these are part of our growing into ourselves. I think with every failed relationship (friendship or romantic) I learn a little about what I want, what I don't want, and a LOT about myself. These are the growing pains of life.

I know I have to fight to NOT become the thing that I hate. I am not a bitter person. I think part of that is the fact that I have had interactions with enough bitter people to say to myself, "hey...this is NOT who I want to be" and I take ACTION.

Secret to success I once heard is to ACCEPT the situation, CONFRONT any obstacles, then MOVE ON to the next event. Easier said than done. Especially when emotions get involved. I'm not even sure what phase of that I am after this last one but I would like to think I am moving on. LOL :)

You say you want to live happily ever after...well what's stopping you? Build yourself a life that you are proud of. A person shouldn't be required to complete your life...they should be invited to enhance your life.

I know I have wanted to "give up" on several occasions. But if I really and truly did, then they would have won. These duds, jerks, arseholes, etc. will have taken away the chance for someone else to invite ME into their life. Do I really want to give them the satisfaction that they have "ruined me for any other man"?

Happy Valentines Day from the Glow-Go-Boy

I told a friend "Happy Valentine's Day" and he asks me "Why are you saying that? Aren't you single too?"

I just laughed and said, "Yes, but that just gives me an excuse to buy myself something nice!"...not that I actually will after purchasing a set of lamps for $300 (OUCH), but I might splurge this weekend.

I think the phrase "I don't mind being single" probably summarily states how I feel. It's great to have another person to pal around with and it's great when they throw you a boner or two BUT after the tumultuous time I had with the last BF, I can securely say that I'm OK now. I'm sure that estimation would change if he were to enter a room I was occupying though LOL. I am surprised at how intensely I still feel about that whole situation. But I think that is a good thing but I know that I am moving on or have moved on (got the receipt from U-haul right here baby).

I would like to congratulate all the couples that have managed to stay together or are working on coming together. I know from personal experience how much you have to give up (and how much you have to gain). I think that in many ways, I feel I couldn't do that right now...but another part (probably lying to myself *grin*) wants to progress and find someone special. Everyone that seems to be interested in me is from out of state. :) Atlanta boys are so weird.

I actually have felt a little stagnant on the inside. I know it's coming to a head because it is coming into my conscious thoughts at least once a day. So the breakout is coming. Maybe summer >:)

So I have to call a guy from Pittsburgh tonight after the gym. I wussed out (what's up with that) last time he asked me to call him (I admittedly am a jerk sometimes...but this goes back to the "me being non-aggressive" mode that I feel I am stuck in). I apologized and he said he would still like to hear from me. It's not like very much could happen, with the distance...I don't do LDRs or even contemplate them Remember Alabama (cue satanic chanting) I say...but it is always a pleasure to have a conversation with a hot guy :) LOL.

So it IS confirmed that my best friend from college is coming in for my birthday! Now I am going to take a few days off so I can just go wild and be crazy with him! WOOT! I can feel the earth rumble and the downtown buildings sway! So now I have to start planning my 31st Birthday Extravaganza and Housewarming! :) Going to work on the E-vite tonight and make a list of everything I need to buy for the partay (let's see...liqour...liqour...and oh yeah...liqour! *phew* Glad that's done! LOL!)

So from one single guy to the rest of the World, Happy Valentines Day. No matter how alone we may be...there is someone out there looking for us. And anything worth anything takes time, effort, and energy. Oh...and a pinch of faith. :)

The Past is Present

So I once laughingly said that in order to spice up my Blog, I needed to write about my real life. Life is quite often stranger than fiction and sometimes...well I absolutely would get stock in that statement.

So let's start out with a blast from the past from my trip to Orlando. We had met at the softball tournament and I had gotten a little drunk and we ended up playing around for a few hours in his hotel room (I am SO telling on myself). Sometime during the night he had given me his card and I had put it in my wallet with the rest of my credit cards. Well I use certain credit cards during my trips so when I emptied my wallet into the "extra credit cards drawer", I must have put his card behind the American Express and forgotten that I even had it.

I get this QuickMessage on a site I frequent and it was from him and after a few terse exchanges (he was miffed I hadn't called/written/etc) I checked my card stache and found his card and dropped a line apologizing for that oversight. Turns out he's moving to Atlanta (which is cool as I think he'll fit in well here). So the moral to that story is "Pay attention to the details because they will bite you in the ass". Because he was a really really nice guy who didn't deserve that. We all make mistakes and I own up to that one most egregiously.

Let's see...other adventures that are truer than fiction...(digs deep because I had a great list in my head before I started writing this down)...

I FINALLY got off my butt and bought a piece of mirror for the post-modern frame I built (pictures to come) but I bought the wrong hardware to mount it. I also got a small ceiling mounted light for the entryhall (it hadn't worked since I bought the place in August) AND the lamps I had ordered five months ago came in, the box they were in was damaged, so I ended up buying a complete set (instead of just the two) for an additional $60. So now I have a REALLY expensive set of lamps in my livingroom that I surprisingly don't have buyers remorse. I like them :)

I was invited out Friday by my gay-bors, J and S, who are fast becoming friends. James and I have much in common with our love of scifi and Sal and I like to talk about home improvements and the like. We were joined by a few other people I knew (one of which was the seller for the property I bought). After dinner, half of us went out to Woofs and had a few more drinks (don't be so shocked LOL)

While there I did ask this boy K out that I saw out on Friday that I have found attractive for QUITE some time. I really doubt if we'll ever go out, but I am proud of myself for having the guts to say, "You know...you really need to let me take you out to dinner sometime.". I need to start doing that more often. I find it funny that I am such an aggressive person at work, aggressive ballplayer on the fields, that I am sometimes such a frelling bystander in life. We didn't have time to exchange numbers, but if he wants it, he at least knows I'm interested. I've decided that I'll put out the feelers twice...after that, you are obviously not interested so I can muster my pride back together (it takes about 30 seconds) and move on. :)

Simple Update

So I don't have too many exciting things to report about today. We did have our first softball team meeting for 2005 and we once again confirmed we want to be focused on winning but retain "having fun" but we do that anyway. The decision just effects how aggressive the coaches are going to be. We (the Wackers) will have a big red target on our backs since we have gone to the Gay World Series twice now and this year it's in San Diego :) Even if we don't make it to the GWS, we're also talking about maybe going to the Gay Games 2006 in Chicago. I think that would be totally kewl.

No exciting reports on the boy-front. Although lately I am attracting the "hey-let's-go-out-but-I-won't-respond-if-you-say-yes" boys. For both our sakes...if you express interest and YOU ask ME out...in the very least I deserve a "not interested anymore". Just because you can't take rejection doesn't mean I can't. I'm a big boy. (woo I just read that and it sounds a bit scathing...well maybe just a light boil...enough to make some macaroni).

So I finally got off my bohunkus as worked on my custom mirror frame for my 1/2 bath downstairs. It turned out nicer than I expected. I did learn a valuable lesson. "Don't try new techniques out on things that you can't easily re-create." I tried a little sand coloration which marred the process of coating it with envirotex.

I did go out this weekend for a bit. Had a quick stop into a birthday party (had to leave early because of other commitments) and met up with friends at the new "City Cafe" which was ok. Afterwards we all trundled over to the Red Chair for a drink. Well with Jo, one drink turned into three martinis and some very amusing conversations. We sat over in the corner and talked about life, liberty, and the pursuit of my happiness and the history of his. Afterwards I decided to see what was happening at Hoedowns where I knew I would run into a few friends.

Saturday I worked a door shift at Woofs and then went to the Heretic since it was early and danced for a few hours. I can really tell that the abdominal work I've been doing is working since my sides didn't hurt as bad :) I have "latin" hips :)

Sunday I performed a feeble attempt at cleaning up the house (It's like the Neverending Story) and made a little progress. Later on my friend L came over and we watched I-Robot which was actually a pretty fun movie. Made me want to read the book and read the REAL story since it was very very very very loosely inspired by the book.

100 Grams of Protein a Day

So...call me a "gym-dog-wanna-be" I don't care :) Since November I have pretty much gone to the gym at least 5 days a week (sometimes 6) and now? The effort is really starting to payoff. However, I have been told that I am losing too much weight! I guess they are correct since I really didn't start eating like a horse when I started. And so I asked my friend M what protein supplement he uses and bought this gallon jar of it! (It's actually pretty damn tasty too...like sugarmilk).

So I noticed the jar this morning while I was downing my 3rd bowl of Lucky Charms (the gayest cereal in the world I mean..you can get all ROYGB and a rainbow in your tummy) and thought to myself, "So how much protein a day have I been taking?"

And then I was like "HOLY crepe-murtle, Batman! I'm downing about 100g a day!" so I decided to Google and see if that is normal for weight training...and it's actually LESS than what other training people intake. Needless to say, this is going to get expensive :( One jar at $35 has 15 servings (which is about one week) *faint*. But I always believed that beauty has it's price. And since I'm already paying the piper in the gym I might as well pay the salesgirl at the counter huh? LOL :)

I also decided to upgrade my nipple rings to a 10 gauge this weekend and what did I do the next day? I went to step aerobics class. I think I am going to have to put bandaids on them for the next few weeks while they reheal! LOL :) I mean it was like "boing! ow! boing! ow!" or "jumping-ow-jack, jumping-ow-jack" *tee hee* I honestly was holding my man-boobs at some points. I think the instructor knew what was going on because he kind of grinned at me when I would do that LOL. Thank goodness I don't get embarrassed easily (if at all).

So softball season is gearing up. I have work in the queue for the Hotlanta Softball Website (which I maintain) as well as a team meeting this Thursday. I can't wait!